It’s no secret that I’m a complete jewellery tragic. In fact, sometimes I just like to sit and observe the pieces people wear as they go about life. A thought hit me as I was relaxing in a cafe recently enjoying one of these decadent moments of voyeurism. Jewellery is rather like the little girl who had a little curl. When it’s good, it’s breathtaking, enchanting, delectable, but when it’s bad it really can be horrid!
So, while I usually love to celebrate all things wonderful about jewellery, I thought it might be fun to have a look at a gaggle of the world’s worst jewellery faux pas. Some are here to help you avoid making fashion mistakes, others, just for our sheer collective pleasure – and in some cases, total disbelief.
Here are 7 ‘bad little girl with a curl’ jewellery ideas:
The problem with this style is that it simply doesn’t go with anything. You can’t possibly match pink, orange, green, yellow, and more with one outfit – unless you’re planning to ‘Go Bananas’ at a Wiggles heavy metal concert. Not only will it clash with whatever you wear, the colours could detract from the ensemble itself. Definitely one jewellery idea to avoid at all costs.
Necklaces with too many beads in one place
Je suis énervée! Another of my pet peeves. For example, a thin, metal chained necklace and at the bottom are all these beads, swinging around like a bunch of grapes ready to be picked and squashed. No matter what outfit you wear, this is going to be really distracting. A necklace looks far more stunning when everything appears balanced.
The big tile
Still on the subject of necklaces, one of the few things I haven’t been looking forward to as we move into the beautiful Australian spring and summer is the inevitable return of the bright necklace with huge square tiles. The idea itself may be chic, but in reality it’s far too symmetrical and terribly gaudy. Not recommended in the slightest… unless you have a brilliant white 80s Gold Coast jumpsuit hanging in the wardrobe begging to come out and play.
Just plain creepy
You wouldn’t believe some of the things people use to make jewellery (see my own ‘worst’ jewellery story at the bottom for an example). However, jewellery made from living and dead creatures is about as weird as it gets. Oddee’s 10 Shockingly Creepy Pieces of Taxidermy Jewellery (click if you dare!) includes human teeth studded rings, bird head necklaces, even snake foetus pendants and more. Best matched with an LBT (long black dress) and pale complexion for a soiree held under a full moon at the local cemetery.
Celebrity jewellery gone wrong
Hollywood elegance and jewellery have gone hand in hand for decades – both onscreen and on the stars who set fashion trends, from Elizabeth Taylor and Grace Kelly to Kim Kardashian. However, a few jewellery fashions we haven’t been asked to copy yet include Nicki Minaj’s sickly-sweet plastic ice cream cone necklace, Lady Gaga’s huge choker to match that infamous meat dress or Sasha Gradvia’s RoboCop shoulder gun jewellery she wore to the 2012 Grammy Awards.
Over the years I’ve met and seen the work of some very talented people who love to make jewellery for the pure fun of it. However, I’ve also witnessed quite a selection of home-made jewellery created by people who really have no idea what they are doing – nauseating colour co-ordination, pieces that look they were beaten into submission with a mallet, antique bands with Star Wars age settings, and some I don’t ever want to think about again. Of course, all that really matters is that we love the jewellery we choose to wear – I just don’t think all of it should be worn in public.
Did we really do that?
I was once asked to custom-create a pair of earrings and matching pendant using the customer’s own gallbladder stones that she had ‘retrieved’, and lovingly cherished, for a 50th birthday present to herself. Hard to fathom I know, but I even have the pictures to prove it! Needless to say, we’ve never had any request to top this one since.
So before you buy that ‘different’ piece of jewellery, ask yourself (and maybe a trusted friend if you have one handy), ‘Is this piece unique and interesting, or just plain dreadful?’
And, unless you really have your heart set on something made of body parts, raw meat or high powered weapons, we’re always here to help in any way we can.